Naked and vulnerable

Pfff fuck.
It's so easy to embrace it all when its love and light and silent. When I feel tension or contraction I just want to put it away. Hide it. Ignore it. Not wanting to feel it. Aaarghhh.. I have the tendency to not speak up for myself, to let everything be as it is, as a way to not confront myself or others with bullshit. I make things bigger as they seem with ignoring it. Until it just become too much to hold it and it just poors out.

I know allowence is the only way. To see it, feel it, allow it. But its so friggin scary to face myself. To face my fears, the fear of rejection. Bluuuuuuuuhhhhh. I just want to run away and get a normal boring, but safe office job.. 
Ahhh wait. NO. I feel my fire, no no no, no way back. So.. What is happening? How do I feel? Be with that. Feel that. How can I be curious to this situation, and see it as an invitation to learn, to grow?

So.. An invitation to myself to dare to confront and to dare to be honest. More and more, and to recognize it faster when Im hiding.
Shredding skin, shredding layers, becoming naked and vulnerable.. Falling into pieces and putting myself back again to make a cleaner and stronger puzzle. Jup, being human, sometimes - a struggle.